Massive Water Discovery Ends California Drought

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - April 1, 2023 - Governor Gavin Newsom and the California Department of Water Resources (DWR) today lifted the state's drought State of Emergency on the news that an enormous water reservoir has been discovered along California's western border.

Although the exact size of the aquifer has yet to be determined, reports indicate it may be hundreds of miles across and more than 10,000 feet deep—billions of gallons in total.

"We are delighted to say, the drought is over," Newsom proclaimed at a beachfront press conference, a glass of water gleaming on his podium. "This resource will provide enough water for every man, woman, child, farmer, rancher, business, school and park in our great state to live the California lifestyle without ever again worrying whether there is enough water to waste."

California's $52 billion agriculture industry applauded the announcement. "Our crops, orchards and ranches have been in decline for well over a decade now," said Andrew Morse of the California Department of Food and Agriculture (CDFA). "This [discovery] means we will be able to get back to our business of feeding the world."

Indeed, the state's farmers may be able to not only regain lost ground, but even expand into new markets: despite rising lending rates, farmers are fueling a new era of agricultural expansion by buying entire subdivisions and converting them to arable land.

"We're processing a record number of loan applications," said banker Toiya Dobrov, whose clientele includes family farms throughout the Central Valley. "Water is the new gold."

The newly discovered reservoir.

Gov. Newsom said the state will petition the federal government for funds to develop filtration, conveyance, and distribution systems throughout the state, a further boon to California's economy. "Investing in our infrastructure will produce exponential returns when we give people jobs and deliver water to where they work and where they live."

The state already is in discussion with neighboring Nevada and Arizona to export its newfound bounty to those parched regions, and plans are under study for a "main vein" pipeline to route water from California east through the entire country. "This will be the next transcontinental railroad," said Newsom, announcing that project bids will be solicited within weeks.

The California Landscape Contractors Association (CLCA) and state chapters of the Association of Professional Landscape Designers (APLD) and American Society of Landscape Architects (ASLA) also welcomed the news. In a joint statement, the groups say they "look forward to creating landscapes that can gulp rather than sip, that evoke Shangri-La rather than the Sahara. For too long Californians have endured the constraints of a Mediterranean climate; now, with our abundance of sunshine matched only by our access to water, we can live in any garden we desire."

No comment was available from the Synthetic Turf Council, one of the few industries analysts expect will not profit from the discovery.

The aquifer was discovered by two recently unemployed construction workers, Eric Lucas and Dante Sievers, both of Palo Alto, Calif. Although neither has a background in hydrology or environmental science, both knew immediately they were on to something big last month while visiting the nearby coastal town of Pescadero.

"We were just chilling on the beach," said Mr. Lucas. "The next thing I know, Dante is shouting 'Water! Water!' First I called 911," he said, "but we got disconnected, so I called the newspaper" who in turn contacted the state water agency.

Neither man is aware of any plans to name the body of water in their honor.

The sheer size of the reservoir has made mapping its boundaries tedious, which in turn has inflamed long-simmmering tensions between California and its neighbors. The states of Oregon, to the north, and Hawai'i, to the east, both claim that the water reaches into their territories.

And in what could turn a domestic dispute into an international incident, Mexico also contends that a portion of the water is theirs, a claim Newsom downplayed. "The proud nation of Mexico and the great state of California have a long and rich history of sharing resources," he said, "and we certainly will work together to ensure an equitable distribution of this resource as well."

The discovery has raised almost as many questions as hopes. One story circulating the Internet claims the volume of water actually could increase over time due to factors related to climate change, to which a DWR spokesperson responded, "we can only hope." Other critics have noted that the water's purity is unproven, and it could contain decaying vegetation and animal waste.

The DWR refused comment on still another allegation, that extreme salinity in the water makes it unfit for drinking or irrigation.

"This is a momentous day," said the spokesperson. "Let's not let irresponsible conspiracy theories dry up our celebration."